School is officially out and the fun of Summer has begun. Stephen ended the year by making it on the A-B Honor Roll at school. Then Saturday he earned a new belt color during testing for Taekwondo. That is all great news but the best part if how he accomplished those tasks.
Saturday Stephen got up in a good mood but when we demanded our usual ‘clean up your room’ before breakfast things got ugly. He also wanted to wear jeans to the testing cycle. His instructors specifically requested ‘sweats’. After being told ‘no’ twice, Stephen was in a bad mood but refused to go his room. Mark had to drag him down the hall. It took a good 30 minutes before he came back out of his room, which was clean this time by the way. While we waited to see what he was going to do, Mark and I talked about ‘making’ Stephen go to the testing. I make him go to class each week but once he is there he loves it. I make him go because I think the discipline of this sport is very good for him. On Saturday I decided that ‘testing’ was a reward. Stephen had earned the right to a new color belt, but he would have to make the decision to show up to get it. Thankfully just in time to leave, he emerged from his room ready to go. That was the end of his bad attitude for that day. The whole rest of the day he was in control and had a marvelous time. I was proud of his grades and his new ‘orange belt’ but I am so much more proud of the fact that he didn’t blow it this time and that he turned his day around!!!!!! That is progress baby!
We started Bible School tonight and it goes for the next four nights. Stephen’s teacher asked us ahead of time about how to handle him. We told her ‘zero tolerance’. It really is that simple. He made it through class the first night but she told us that she did give him some wiggle room. Tomorrow night she promises not to do that. She says he will be out the door at the first sign of trouble. I figure I need to follow him to class and wait outside the door. Ha! Maybe he will prove me wrong.
As you may have noticed over the weekend, Angie and I have started a craft project. We are hoping to make a little extra cash. We are taking empty paint cans and creating gift baskets out of them. Look at the most recent blog to see a couple of our creations. We can make most any theme requested. If you see something you really like, let me know. Angie’s husband lost his job on Friday and she can’t go back to work post surgery for another 3 weeks.
Back to the kids. It is summer break and I am happy not to have to shuttle Stephen back and forth to school, especially with the rising gas prices. At the same time, I am a little worried about having Stephen at home 24 hours a day. It will be a challenge for sure so I plan to spend a lot of time in prayer.
More updates later.
Love, Kim
Archive for May, 2009
Paint Can Creations
My best friend is helping me with a new craft project. Now I want to give others a chance to see our ideas. These cans are the first guinea pigs that we made as gifts for teachers, graduation and fa baby shower. Other ideas are in the works including some for father’s day, a tool basket, a movie basket, a grilling basket, etc. We can create anything you can come up with. Let me know if you see something you like and how much you think would be a fair price.
Love, Kim 479-462-5910 479-652-2487
Chugging Along
Things are pretty much the same around here. Stephen has pretty good days then decides to scrap it all and end up in his room for hours on end.
Last week I had to keep him home from school. It was a simple case of him not getting ready to leave. The new rule is that he has to be dressed, his room clean and in the car by 8:50. That is the latest I can get him to school without being late. Tuesday that didn’t happen.
That day I had Stephen assigned to do several restitution projects around the house. I messed up by giving him the long list of things to do. Weed the front flower bed, mow only the outside edge of the yard (the parts I can’t get with the riding mower), pick up misc. stuff in the backyard, and clean out my car. Now that may sound like a lot of work and it is. He owed Mark the weeding project for being disrespectful the day before. He owed me 3 jobs for not being ready for church, etc. He kept me waiting on three different occasions.
Stephen started out gung-ho..he worked diligently in the flower bed for maybe 30 minutes. As he slowly lost foc us, he got discouraged. He then decided not to do any work and spent the rest of the day in his room.
About 8pm I asked him again, about being ready to work. He agreed this time to start mowing. I allowed him to mow until 9pm. The problem is that he piddled around and didn’t start the mowing until 8:30 and it was almost too dark by that time.
In my attempts to get him to do the work I made a threat I wasn’t willing to follow through on. That is a big mistake on my part, I know. It is just so hard to keep my mouth shut!!! I told Stephen that he had to finish all the work or he wouldn’t go to school the next day. Remember that Stephen loves school (who wouldn’t with a slave driver like me!). Anyway that didn’t motivate him as much as I had hoped on Tuesday. I suppose he knew I probably wouldn’t follow through. You see as much as I want to teach him to obey and be ready on time, I really hate for him to miss class. He only goes half a day and I think he needs that instruction time. It is obviously a bigger chore for me when he is home as well, but really and truly that wasn’t my motivation in this case.
When Stephen went to bed Tuesday night, I reminded him of my (empty) threat. I think he was defeated by that point realizing he couldn’t get it all finished before class.
Wednesday morning I woke Stephen up at 6:15am. He layed around for 15 minutes and then much to my surprise he can in asking to work. I told him it was possible to get all the work finished if he really put his mind to it. He had approximately 30 minutes for each chore. It was possible but not likely to happen. Stephen is a good worker when he wants to do something, but he is never fast.
He worked in the flower bed for 1 hour. He worked steadily but not at a rapid pace. At 7L30 I told him he could start mowing. At 7:50 I decided he had made a very good effort and so I took him to school with a promise that he would need to finish the work after class. Stephen made good on his work but it did take him two more days to finish.
In the last week we have been opening our pool. What would normally be a 1 or 2 day project turned into a week long project. Thanks to help from my best friend and her husband, we were able to put in a new liner and get the 12 year old pool up and running again. It took some doing..let me tell you. Putting in a liner is no easy thing. It isn’t perfect but it will work. Hopefully we will never have to do that again. This liner was only 3 years old. It should have lasted 7-10 years. The problem is that we ‘cheaped out’ when we originally put it in and didn’t put anything between the liner and the concrete foundation. That combined with pool chemcial mixes in the water caused the liner to erode too soon. This time we put foam padding under the liner and switched our chemicals to salt water. So far things are working marvelously!
We are now at the end of a three day holiday weekend. We survived with only a few casualties. Saturday our friends came over to swim and cookout. We had grilled chicken and corn on the cob. Stephen made it through most of the afternoon but then ended up being sent to his room. He had to eat dinner alone and missed out on a movie.
Sunday we didn’t have any company over. Church went well then we watched the Indy 500 and waited in vain for the Coca Cola 600 which ended up being rained out for that day. Stephen was able to participate in all activities all day long.
Today the kids and I went to the Old Fort Days Rodeo Parade. Stephen went along but mostly seemed bored. Makenna (my friend Angie’s daughter) went along as well. We had a good time then came home to cook burgers and hot dogs on the grill. The rest of the Smith family joined us to swim and eat. Despite the occasional rain showers, the kids had a great time in the pool. Angie and I got to visit while the guys watched the NASCAR race that ended up being rained out more than half way through. Stephen was able to stay on track all day today as well. It was a nice holiday. I am thankful for that.
I am sitting outside on the patio blogging and getting eaten ALIVE by bugs so I guess I will sign off. School will be out soon and we’ll be spending mega time in the pool. One because I love summer and the water, two because we really need to conserve funds. The less driving we do and the more we stay home, the cheaper we can be! Of course that will also mean lots and lots of time at home with Stephen. I am trying to come up with unique ideas to keep him busy. We managed last summer but I didn’t really have RAD training until mid August so I wasn’t as strict on him as I am now. Though I had hoped to be a little further along by now, I am still proud of his progress. I now know what he can do, it is just a matter of what he is willing to do that determines how much fun his life can be.
Love ya, stay in touch. Any ideas, please send comments.
Kim
A New Day
Thank goodness for today because yesterday was a real chore. I kept Stephen home from school on Tuesday because he simply wasn’t in a good humor.. Okay let’s be honest, it was Hell at our home that morning. Lots of yelling, huffing, etc. I really really didn’t want to keep Stephen home because it means more work for me just trying to keep him busy and out of trouble. But the whole reason I am staying home is to help Stephen. I am home to help him understand consequences. The consequences of not getting ready for school on time and being disrespectful are that you don’t get to participate in life.
When Stephen stays home from school I keep him busy. I head over to Angie’s house to do a few chores and keep her company for a few hours. Tuesday that included having Stephen do grunt work. He cleaned a shower and two toilets at Angie’s house. He didn’t do it willingly. I used food as a motivator. Shame! Shame! I know better. With RAD kids you are never supposed to use food as a tool. Many RAD kids were deprived of food as an infant so they grow up hoarding and sneaking food. Even though we don’t know if Stephen was deprived of food, he has always hoards and sneaks food in his room. Still, I used food on Tuesday. As I told you, Stephen didn’t get ready for school in time. Thus he didn’t get breakfast. Landon and I had time for breakfast so the way I see it, Stephen made a choice not to get breakfast. As you can imagine, by the time we got to Angie’s house, he was starving. At first he refused to do anything. I asked him to strong sit. He got up and refused. Let’s just say I found another way to motivate him. Finally he realized it was no work, no food. Then the slow and pokey process of scrubbing the shower began. He found many excuses, one after the other, from having a headache, to being too tired, etc. Finally though he got with it and got the job finished. Then he moved on to the toilets. We started at 8:30 and finished at 11:30. One job down, many more to go, or so I thought.
My mistake next is that I didn’t go straight home and put Stephen in his room. Instead I fed him and then decided to try and squeeze in another chore. I volunteered to have Stephen mow my Grandpa Curry’s yard. From the moment we arrived, I was in a rush. Thunder was rumbling overhead and I wanted to get the yard mowed before the downpour. That meant I was trying to rush the kids to eat and get the job done. It just didn’t happen the way I had planned. Stephen refused to help. I decided that I would mow. I really didn’t mind, but I did mind that Stephen was refusing and there was nothing I could do about it. That’s when my frustration went over the top. I stayed frustrated for the next hour or so. All the while my 88 year old Grandma is babbling non=stop about the single yellow rose that she received at church Sunday for being the oldest mother. It’s not that I wasn’t interested in her story, it’s just that she is very hard of hearing and continues to talk even if no one is listening. She kept asking me if I wanted the rose. No grandma, no thank you. NO! No! No! My grandma is very dedicated to the Lord. I love her but sometimes she really gets on my nerves and on this day I didn’t have any left to fray. On top of all that, my grandpa’s mower wasn’t working properly so I never finished the mowing. I gathered the kids and my stuff (SWTR newspapers that my grandparents get and save for me since I cut out our subscription. I now read it a week late just to make sure I didn’t miss any news…you know “newsies” die hard). In a huff I drove home and put Landon down for a nap. Stephen went to his room while I cooled off.
Yes it was a stellar day for me as a mother. Not one of my finer moments to be sure. I asked God for forgiveness before the day was through and prayed for a better tomorrow. It is now 11:10pm on Wednesday and I can say this was a very FINE day. Praise the Lord! Stephen stayed on track all day long. I wasn’t quite as calm and collected as he was, but I did manage to not blow my top.
Stephen had a great day at school again! I asked his teacher is she thought he could go full time for the last two weeks of class. She thought it was better to keep things as they are. Remember just yesterday he missed school for his attitude, two weeks ago he did miss a field trip because of attitude, etc. She believes (and is right) that he would probably ‘blow it’ if he was given the chance to go all day. She likes how things are going right now.
TOmorrow is therapy day. Our appt is a little later than usual so we don’t have to be in such a rush. I am hoping we won’t be fighting severe weather on our way to Little Rock.
At home we are staring a new project, opening the pool. I wish it was just as easy as taking off the cover, but this year we have to replace the liner. That is going to be a big chore. First we need 48 hours with no rain so we can spray a protective coating on the deck. Not sure if we will ever get a dry spell like that.
The big news besides Stephen’s behavior is his recent viewing of the “coming up age’ film at school. He has been full of questions ever since. He is quite willing to discuss all issues openly. Apparently his classmates were amazed at his uninhibited questioning of the school nurse after the movie. Seems they were quite impressed with his boldness. He told me that he finally knows where a woman puts ‘the pad’. All this time he thought that we stuck it to our privates. Now he knows that it sticks to underwear. What a revelation! That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Tonight he asked more questions about puberty. Specifically he wanted to know when he will get taller.
More news from the homefront coming soon. Keep in touch.
Love, KIm
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Moving Along
Last week went remarkably well. My friend Angie came through surgery just fine. She had a 10lb tumor that stretched 2 feet long! The great news is that the doctors found no cancer in their freeze test during the surgery. They are however going to biopsy the entire mass just to be sure.
Angie’s girls could not have behaved any better.I really enjoyed having them in our home. The boys loved it too..though Stephen accused me of playing favorites. The truth is that Stephen just didn’t like being forced to obey when they were being so good.
This week I am going to spend a lot of time with Angie helping her around the house. I take the girls to school in the morning since Ange can’t drive for two weeks.
We had a good weekend. Stephen and I are taking on some mowing jobs. One it is something to keep him busy and out of trouble and it brings in a little extra cash.
We haven’t been to therapy in a month. Our appointment is this week. I think he is doing okay. He is still getting great reports from school. Home life is still a challenge at times. Lately it hasn’t been anything we couldn’t handle.
I had a great Mother’s day. We decided to go to Bentonville. We attended church with Lane (Mark’s mom) and then spent the day catching up with the rest of the family. My boys were good until the end of the day. The end of the day was a little rough. Still I feel tremendously blessed to have two loving sons.
Catch up with you a little later.
Love, Kim
Girl Party Time
My best friend Angie is having a major surgery tomorrow. Doctors will try to remove a fibroid tumor the size of an infant. They do not believe it is cancerous but will perform a biopsy to be sure. Please pray that God will bring her through this surgery safely.
Mark and I will be keeping Madison and Makenna while she is in the hospital for 3 days. I am really looking foreward to it, though Angie is worried about me stressing out. She isn’t so sure I can ‘whip’ the girls into shape while she is gone. Both of our kids struggle to get up and get ready in the morning but I hope to find a way to motivate them. I know I am not a magician, but I do have some ideas that I want to try.
In the meantime, the ‘same ol’ continues with Stephen. He has moments of glory, where his inner beauty shines and the whole family lights up. Then we have other moments where Stephen stumbles, refuses to obey, decides to sabatoge hisself and we send him to his room.
The hardest part of this cycle is trying to ignore his stumbles and go on with our lives. We still try to ‘remind’ him too much, to coax him into better behavior. It is just so hard to sit back and watch him destory what could be good times. We had two great weeks in a row and I am so thankful for that. The last week hasn’t been awful, just not as great as before. We’ll keep on trucking.
Another note. For several years, I have been telling Mark that I believe that someday God will lead us in a new direction. I don’t think this will necessarily have anything to do with our kids, but it will be some new way of serving Him. I am not sure what it is, though I do have some ideas. I love my life the way it is right now, but I am realizing more and more each day that in addition to bringing up our children to serve God, that we have a much bigger purpose in life. It has nothing to do with leaving a historical mark on the world, being famous or rich, but something much more meaningful that lasts forever. I told Mark that I am ready, I have just been waiting for him to “feel the call”.
Something to think and pray about.
Love, Kim
Landon turns 4!
Landon loves firefighters
We had a pretty good week until Thursday and Friday. Stephen missed most of the activities on Landon’s actual birthday. Friday I kept him home from school because he didn’t get ready until 8:05am. It was a field trip day anyway so he didn’t miss any classroom stuff. Today was much better.
We had Landon’s birthday party with family and friends today. The rain forced us to readjust our games. We managed to make the garage work for most of them.
I am attaching pictures of some of the fun. You can find more of them on my facebook page.
Lots of love, Kim
Firefighter Training...sliding down the pole
Cousin Kaiser and Stephen
- Chopping away at a burning building
- Racing in firefighter boots
